Things that go bump in the night....over and over and over again.....

There are some things in life that are just so horrible at the time, that it takes weeks to fully recover and be able to blog about them again, with the appropriate sense of humor, of course. I recently experienced such an event and only now feel like enough time has passed to really find it funny.

Here's what happened.......

Cole turned 4 at the end of August and that's when the trouble started. About a week after his birthday, he just stopped sleeping, really. He wouldn't refuse to go to bed, he just started getting up ALL NIGHT LONG. I mean, we are talking 9-11 times a night. Sometimes he would make up excuses and ask for silly things as an explanation of why he was up. Other times he would just stand at the bottom of the steps and whine. He never said he was scared or sick, he had simply turned into a little insomniac. This behavior was extremely puzzling to me because it came from out of nowhere. He has been sleeping in the same room, under the same circumstances for over 2 years and suddenly THIS!!! (Side Note: Of all my pet peeves, and I have 4, Regression, of any kind is my hardest to handle. It makes me absolutely insane if I know that someone is capable of something, but they stop doing it...grrr....)

This went on for 18 nights straight. Yes, I said 18! Even after the first few nights, I was crazy. And obviously if we aren't getting any sleep during the night, you can imagine how BOTH of our behavior was during the day. That's all I'll say about that......
Rob's answer was for me to ignore him and put in earplugs. Let me just say this about Rob, he is a Champion Sleeper. If sleeping was an Olympic Sport, he would medal in all three positions. Nothing can wake him, not even the sound of his own roaring, I mean snoring..... So, of course, it is easy for him to ignore. I, on the other hand, have the Mommy-Sense and so I hear EVERYTHING.

I read several books on sleep behavior, talked to the pediatric nurse and tried several different techniques during this 18 night span, without much luck. Finally, we went in to the doctor with our sleep logs...that's right, I was keeping a log.....it was that bad. As expected, the doctor said that it was a phase (which we knew) and that Cole would just have to relearn to stay in his bed at night. Not that I wanted anything to be medically "wrong" with him, but if it was something (immediately) cureable, I would be open to a few choice syndromes.......We were about to leave, dejected and hopeless,when the doctor uttered the magic word....Melatonin, sweet, sweet Melatonin. A pill. A pill you say? You have a pill that might work for this? Give Me, Give Me, I Need, I Need!!

Here's the part where you can judge me and I won't care.....

It worked! We drugged that boy down and it worked! Yeah for Drugs! Natural or FDA approved. Give me a D-R-U-G-S, what does that spell? "RELIEF"!

We used the melatonin for a few weeks and it was very helpful. It seemed to get him back into a normal sleeping pattern. Cole still gets up once or twice a night to use the bathroom, but he doesn't cry, whine or hang around the bottom of the stairs. And that is good enough for me!

On a serious note (well, I'll try). Thank you to all of the friends and family that were extremely supportive during this incident. There were several motivational calls, suggestions and offers to keep kids and it really meant a lot.

September/October Hiatus

Please forgive my recent Blogging Hiatus. Although rumors have circulated for weeks that I succumed to the Swine Flu, joined Witness Protection or that a particular Mafia Hitwoman took me out. Rumors are just that.....rumors. The truth is actually a lot worse than that. I was suffering from a severe (and contagious) case of "No Sense of Humoritis", brought on by sleep deprivation and the general unrulyness of my four year old son.

It was a dark, dark time......

The good news is, I'm surfacing and with new material, no less. Nothing is funnier than your own personal disasters,......a few weeks after the fact.

Ode to The Perfect Family Getaway and Other Mythical Creatures.....

Every year around this time, we use Cole's Birthday as an excuse to get away for a quick family weekend trip. For whatever reason, we always end up in the Grand Rapids area, doing a lot of the same stuff we do here, just there. Children's Museum, Zoo, Etc... However, this year with the kids all being a little older and TALLER we were able to add some extra fun to our trip. But even the best laid plans.......

First: A ginormous "Shout Out" to Jerel, Lisa and Samuel, who so kindly kept Kasey for us all weekend, so we could be a little more free....

We got the party started on Friday afternoon by dropping Kasey off in Flint, pinned Cole with 2 "Birthday Boy" Buttons (for maximum free meal/dessert exposure) and then headed west. The car ride was fine. The kids watched a movie, snacked on the sugar-fest that I had brought and drank their weight in juice boxes. So far, so good. We arrived at our hotel around 6 and I went to check in. I was quite excited as I had scored a "Free Friday" deal online, which allowed us 2 nights in a River -Side Room for the price of one. When I made my way up to the front desk, I had a mild moment of panic when I saw the sign that said "Pool Closed for Maintenance". I was mere seconds from pulling the fire alarm and screaming "Abort! Abort!" when the lady at the front desk assured me that it would be open within a couple of hours, it was being shocked. (I didn't even ask what had happened in there.....)We proceed to check-in and then take the elevator up a few floors to our River-Side room. A small scuffle ensues around the door as the kids fight about who gets to use the magical card to open the door, but then we are in. Looks fine. I stroll over to the window and throw back my curtain and my breath is taken away, when I behold.....the black tar roof of the pool room....and that's all.... Children, put your hands in the air and back out slowly, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! I herded everyone back down to the front desk and politely (they get this option once) asked for a different room. They obliged and we went back up to our sixth floor room which gave us not only a view of the river, but a bonus view/audio of the drunk, dancing, karaoking "Cougars". Let's go eat kids....

Dinner was at Steak and Shake. The kids really enjoyed it paper hats and classic cruisers for all. We came back to the room and had cupcakes and presents for Cole and the rest of the evening went off without a hitch. And that was the end of the first day.....

Now, you know I'm a planner. I'm good at planning, it's one of my strengths. What I'm not good at is having my plans altered....in any way. So when we got up bright and early Saturday morning to start our day of outdoor activities and it was raining, well let's just say, everyone at my house knows to brace themselves. Rob insisted that we go ahead with Phase 1 of our day and just see how it goes. Did I mention that Phase 1 is a one-hour horseback ride? Even with the rain, the kids were thrilled. They all got their own horses, even little Cole, and we all trotted along in the pouring rain. Cole took the lead, followed by Rob, then the twins and I brought up the rear on my lovely horse named "Fury". Oh the irony...will it never cease....Rob refused to turn around and look at me throughout the entire ride. I think he knew that actual fire would shoot from my eyes if he did. However, being a good mommy, I did let out the obligatory Yee-Haw and Looking Good Comments for the kid's sake during the ride. When the ride was over, we spent the next few minutes by the side of some country road changing everyone into dry clothes, well almost everyone. Somehow, there were no dry clothes for Rob (It's the little victories that really matter, people.)

Since the rain hadn't stopped we decided not to go on to Michigan Adventure, which had been Phase 2 of the plan. Instead we headed back into Grand Rapids for Lunch at Logan's, some shopping, Chuck E Cheese, and hotel swimming. When people started to get hungry, I ventured out for pizza, only to return and find Rob laying on the bed not feeling good. My only thought is, "who is gonna eat all this pizza?". Anyways, I get the kids situated on the floor with their slices and drinks and just as I was about to sit down ,Blake says "I'm gonna be sick!" and then he was. All the way from one side of the room to the other, and all over the bathroom. You have got to be joking...Now, I don't mind vomit, I am actually a pro at cleaning up all child and animal bodily emmissions. But honestly, when I am in a hotel with 2 non-absorbent towels, how am I supposed to handle this? So I call down to the desk, explain and thankfully they had another room. Rob took the kids on down while I try to semi-pack and move-out of the room. It took a while. And that was the end of the second day....

Sunday was much better. It wasn't raining so we headed up to Michigan's Adventure. We did have to make a quick Wal-Mart stop on the way to reoutfit everyone in new hoodies, etc.. as all was still wet from the horseback ride the day before and it was a little cool. The day went great. The twins were tall enough to ride just about everything, so Rob and I took turns going around with Cole to all of his rides. Everyone had a good time, but were ready to go home at days end. We stopped off in Flint and picked up Kasey and made it home around 10:40 p.m. We didn't bother to unpack, we just threw the kids into bed and we had our lights out by 11:00. When asked the next day what their favorite part of the trip was, the kids promptly replied "swimming at the hotel! ". It figures.....

Check out my Facebook Page for the other trip photos!

Hold on...This is a dental cubical, not a clown car!

There are just certain things you shouldn't do, but you do them because you have to.....For example, taking more than one child to any medical/dental appointment. I would even be fine with taking NO children with me, if it were at all possible to have the procedures done vicariously through me. Poke me, scrape me, clean me, whatever, just don't make me bring my kids....And honestly, it's not even about "crowd control" anymore, it's more about "crowdedness" these days.

So last Monday was Dentist Day. Now as many of you know there is an extreme amount of thought and preparedness that goes on before we even leave the house. Diaper bag: Check, Activity Bag for the olders: Check, Arsenal of Snacks and Juice: Double Check, (My Mind: Uhh, can't find it...Guess I'll go without it....)

O.K. we are out the door. First stop, drop Cole off at the Y-Camp and then fall to my knees thanking God that these appointments fell on a day when I had "1 less". Second Stop, Tim Horton's, where I shamelessly paraded myself and the other 3 kids in to get our Free Blueberry Donuts to go! That's right, we don't tend to pass up a freebie, even when they are whining in the car, "we don't even like blueberry", quiet...Daddy will eat them! Then off to the dentist for Blake and Abbey's appointments.

Upon arrival, the receptionist sees that it is "us" and quickly calls for an assist. It is now up to me and our dental tech to wrangle the 3 wheeled jogging stroller, complete with baby inside, up the steps and around all the other cubicles until we arrive at ours. Abbey promptly assumes the position in the chair, while Blake is stuffed around the corner to repeatedly peruse and open everything in the "prize chest". Then the rest of us cram ourselves in and let the cleaning begin. The whole event is a bit of a human puzzle and we shuffle around repeatedly during the process.

Tech-Me-Ginormous Stroller w/Baby....oops, now the tech needs out....

Me-Ginormous Stroller w/Baby-"Blake, get out of here!"-Tech....... and so it goes. Then we do it all over again with Blake in the chair and Abbey stuffed in the corner.

And for the grand finale, the actual dentist comes in. (Our dentist may in fact be the TALLEST dentist in the tri-city area, if not the world....) So he has the advantage of simply stepping over all the rest of us and wedges himself in between the chair and the tech, takes a look and we are good to go. Did I mention that I spent a large portion of the teeth cleaning, feeding Kasey multiple sugary snacks to keep her occupied...no?....well, I DID! AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DENTIST! Finally, we were done. Hey kids! Who wants another donut?

Okay, Okay. Now this time you be Watson and I'll be Sherlock.....

We were robbed! That's right....pilfered, ripped off, rifled, pillaged....call it what you want. It happened to us! Last Saturday I went out to my truck to load the kids up to go somewhere. I can't remember exactly where we were going, but chances are it was Wal-Mart. Anyhow, I go to get in and I see that my center console is open.....hmmm.....This reminds me of a conversation that I had with Rob earlier that day, in which he asked me if I had been in HIS center console and left it open. (And no I hadn't. He has moved his "quarter stash" to a new hiding place so I have no need to look in there anymore.) So when I notice my console is open, I get that sick feeling and start to look around my truck. The first thing I notice is that my GPS is missing....disaster! (By now, everyone out there should know what my first thought was "Yikes, I'm gonna be in trouble....again..." Just go ahead and tack this on to my list of "careless" behaviors (I had left it unlocked) and let the shaming begin! As a side note, I don't really get "in trouble", it's just that look that he gives me. You know the one, a mingling of disappointment and frustration, along with a dash of "I told you so"....Yep, that'll do it...

Alright, so the GPS is gone, and fortunately that was all. They apparently weren't interested in the binder of Disney DVD's on the dash or the DVD player. And Thank God they didn't take the time to pry the t.v. screens out of the seat backs (this would surely have ellicited a response greater than "the look"). Rob was out with one of the other kids, so I had ample time to writhe around in my self-loathing and prepare my story.....Which wasn't so much a story as it was a confession, with "but remember the time you....."tagged on the end.

So, Rob gets home. I tell, I get "the look" and then we put on our masks and capes and spring into crime fighting action. I go out to the shed and grab the GPS box, complete with original packaging and receipt from 2 years ago (oh yes, I'm THAT good..) The babysitter arrives and we set off to troll the local pawn shops to reclaim what is rightfully ours! Cue the Law & Order theme song. So I direct him to the closest pawn shop and we make a plan. The plan has 2 parts. Part 1:Rob goes in, looking as ghetto as possible, and expresses a casual interest in their GPS selection to see if ours is among them. So with a slight drop of the pants and a swivel of his hat, he was ready to go. Part 2 of the plan involved me NOT going in..Rob's thought was that I would surely give us up by squealing, "That's mine! That's mine! That's mine!" before we had time to call the COPS. Good Plan. While Rob was in the pawnshop, I anxiously wait in the truck, giving my mom the play by play over the cell phone. I thought it would be wise for someone else to know where we were in case anything "went down". He comes back out and asks for the box. So this means it's in there, now he is going to go in and prove it is ours by matching the serial numbers. The store owners agree that, yes, it is obviously ours AND they even know who dropped it off. We still had to call the police to come out and make a report. We were unable to take it that day, but the pawnshop was ordered to put a hold on it until it went through the proper channels. Today the officer called me and told me that he had spoken to the suspect who, of course, denies having taken it....Apparently he found it by a fence on the corner of some downtown streets. Yeah, that's right, I must have forgotten to grab my GPS when I was done "working" that corner last weekend. Oh Please.....

However, this "innocent" suspect agreed to payback the $65.00 bucks that the pawnshop had given him for it, so that they would then release it to us. What a considerate "non-thief". Now, I don't know about you, but if I didn't take it, I ain't paying! ......guilty......He said that he didn't want any trouble.

Go Lock Your Vehicles, people... before you get "the look"....

Yes, As a Matter of Fact, We Are VBS Junkies.....

Oh, Vacation Bible School, how we love thee.....The matching shirts, the repetitive theme songs, and the crafts...oh, the crafts....That's right, we can't get enough around here. Just hand my kids a popsicle stick crucifix and slap a kool-aid mustache on 'em and they're happy! We are currently, simultaneously in Rounds 2 and 3 of our VBS-ing for this year and IT'S ONLY JUNE!!

The twins kicked things off last week with a Space themed VBS at Grace Baptist. Good Time. As a service project the Boys vs. Girls had to bring in T-shirts to donate to (as Abbey said "Some kids in a place called Turkey who don't have ANY clothes"). So we would rummage through the closets eveyday when they got home and pull out a couple shirts. I think it's funny how my children suddenly became very attached to their Library Summer Reading shirts from 3 years ago. "Are you kidding me? You've worn that like 1 time.....and that was for a photo-op..." Whatever. They also engaged in the usual "offering challenge". So, of course before we left every morning, I would send them off to the depths of the sofa to get some offering.....and no, apparently petrified french fries don't count....The week ended with a nice song and dance number and pizza for all!

Since we had so much fun, we thought that this week we would kick it up a notch and go for 2-a -day! Oh yes....We have Holy Cross (finally, something for Cole....) in the mornings and Hopevale in the evenings. The Hopevale Bible Camp has turned into a whole family affair...Rob and I are "Guides" for one of the 1st grade groups and all of the kids are campers. Even little Kasey has a matching T-shirt and a class. Our neighbor girl, Adison, has been coming with us to both VBS's too.

The car rides to and from have really been rockin'. We have dubbed my truck the VBS Party Bus, fully equipped with both snacks and a CD of all the VBS music!! So every morning, we crank it up and rock it out. I love the loud music and all the singing kids, the tricky part for me is doing all the hand motions (while driving). I have found though that if I put down my driver's side window, it makes it a bit easier.....there's more room for all the flailing....

As for the photo....I don't always let my kids out like this. Only on special occasions, like Wacky Hair Night!

P.S. In the days between the time that I started writing this post and actually posting it, Cole was kicked out of the Holy Cross VBS.......ugh, the disgrace.....

Things are always funnier the next day....when you're conscious....

So, I had a bit of an episode yesterday......

I got up early yesterday morning to begin the meal preparations for the day. As it was Father's Day I was going to bang open a tube of refrigerated cinnamon rolls for Rob's breakfast, but later redeem myself by presenting him with a full turkey dinner for lunch. (Rob's favorite food is "Thanksgiving"). Stop #1 the tea kettle. Gotta have the tea....So I fill it up and turn it on. Stop #2 the bathroom. As I was "bathrooming" I began to feel a little funny, I was certain that I was either going to throw up or faint, neither of which scare me, I just like to get "in position" for either occurrence. I quickly finish and decide, fainting, yes....definitely a fainting feeling. So I lay myself down on the nice cool bathroom floor (Just to give you a visual: I am taller than our upstairs bathroom is long or wide....so it was more of a curling around the toilet and the dog dishes position...) I lay there for a couple minutes and begin to feel better just in time for the kettle to start whistling. Now, it is imperative that I reach the tea kettle and silence it immediately because I DON'T WANT THE KIDS UP YET (I wanted to at least get my potatoes peeled for pete's sake....)
Well, I remember being in the kitchen and reaching for the stove, but turns out I didn't make it. When I "came to" there was both a horrible ringing in my ears from smacking the back of my head on the tile floor, coupled with the incessant whistling from that stupid kettle! Once I realized what had happened, my first thought (of course) is I DON'T WANT THE KIDS UP YET...MUST GET TO THE KETTLE......and I tried again.....and failed.....However, this time I managed to spin around and smack my face flat on the small carpeted step (thank God for small favors) Oh...and did I mention that Rob wasn't home. He had left earlier to round at the hospital.

All the thumping and the whistling must have finally woke the kids, because this time when I "came to" they were up (and the kettle was still whistling).

Now here's the funny part....

Cole and Blake were in the living room watching cartoons. In order for them to be in the living room, they would have had to step over my unconscious body......Abbey emerged from the bathroom and I had her turn off the kettle and get me the phone so I could call Rob. I then called for all the children to assemble around my sprawled and bruised body and proceeded to have the "911" or "Call Daddy" Lesson again. I told them that "THIS" is a perfect example of a time to do so....

So anyways, Rob came home and insisted that we go to the ER. By this time I was feeling OK, but he made me. Kimiko was kind enough to come over and watch the kids while I unwillingly went for my blood work, ekg, chest x-ray, and cat scan. Not that I really want something to be wrong with me, but when you do all of that and then they say "everything is fine", "just take it easy"(yeah right) it's kind of frustrating.....So yes, I am fine, some pain in the head/face/shoulders. If anything I am suffering from a severe case of Father's Day Food Guilt.....We got Arby's/Quizno's on the way home from the hospital and then rounded out the day with a frozen pizza around 9:30....Nicely done, Kyleen!